I remember my Posterous days when I’d do a monthly “reflections” post at the beginning of the new month. It was a favorite routine of mine where I’d summarize what happened to me the month before, what I intend to do next, and what people who may be interested can come to expect.
With it being July 1st and all, this seems like a good time to do another Soul Story post where I’d relive the tradition.
Battling anxiety, getting a grip on stress, and overcoming busy-ness
You’ll notice that the books in the stack above tackles creativity, wrangling information through doodling, finding inspiration, and living a long and happy life doing what you’re deeply passionate about (and hopefully getting paid for it).
I’ve been drawn to these topics for about a month now, The Doodle Revolution being the book I’m currently reading. Not only have these books been in my TBR list for so long, but they address topics that I hope could help with the problems I’ve been having lately.
Long story short, I’ve been at arms with anxiety, self-doubt, and so much mental load.
It started while working on my fourth poem for Poems in a Moleskine.
I was paralyzed, doubtful, guilty, and felt absolutely incompetent. When I got rejected three weeks ago for a role I applied twice for, it completely shook the pillars of my mind, throwing me into such a dark state that I couldn’t even get up or breathe easy.
I just couldn’t find the words, the meaning, and eventually the will to continue writing both this poem and the collection. I kept pushing myself to see what else can be done to keep the writing going, but all I had was a huge question mark.
Time to head back to the drawing board
I eventually decided to spend some time brainstorming, GTD-ing, and mind-mapping—gotta thank Passion Planner for re-introducing this practice for me.
I first used an old Field Notes memo book to take the nervousness and anxiety out of my head. I wrote down what was bothering me, what my current situation was, and what kept me from moving forward with my project. In the process, I felt there was SO MUCH I needed to learn about the poetry I wanted to write, the subjects I wanted to explore, and I just couldn’t find it in myself to write about it without filling up that mental well.
I then took out an old 2018 planner, picked out an empty page, and started mind-mapping what I wanted to do in the next three months. I marked July to September as Q3.
What was my heart and mind telling me? That I want to dedicate my everything to literature and to my craft; I want to build a body of work I can be extremely proud of; I want to leave this earth knowing I shared stories that would be interesting and meaningful to myself and to others. If I could get to a point where I’ve learned enough, tried enough, and believe I can make something even better, then I can firmly say I’ve lived the life I’ve always wanted.
I’m not belittling my personal experiences—there’s so much inside of and about me that’s terrifying, but surely would be worth writing about. But right now, and through these notes, I’m not ready to do all of that without a better understanding of life beyond the four walls of my home.
What’s up and what’s next
Moving forward, my Q3-Q4 goal ties with my mission to dedicate my life to literature:
Read all the books in my library.
I’m shivering just thinking about the many days and weeks I’ll be spending in between pages! 📚 I think it’s the best next thing to do, and probably what I should’ve been doing after graduating from uni.
Poems in a Moleskine and Animalia will still be works-in-progress I’m not abandoning. I firmly believe in both collections and I’m determined to fight any other shiny new thing so I’d be able to see this transform into substantial poetry collections.
In the spirit of finishing what I started, I’ve created Project “That’s a Wrap!” in which I’ll be finishing backlogged tasks and closing projects to make way for my Q3-Q4 goal.
This is what it currently looks like now. I’m really hoping everything will be done by the end of July so there’s nothing that’ll make me look behind my shoulder.
Daily Pagerie: the online shop will slowly make way for original work and collaborations. I’ve put stocking new stationery on hold in hopes of focusing my efforts in learning and creating work I can finally be proud of.
There are old books still up for grabs to whoever wants to take them home and add to their shelves. Anyone’s welcome to reach out to me, either here or on social media (if we’re connected), for the list of titles.
That being said, it’s full speed ahead for this book lover.
If you happen to stop by and have reached this part of the post, thank you. Thank you for your time and interest. Ultimately, I’ll have work to share that earns your support too. 🙏