Waking up each day to cracks on the walls, shadows in every corner, and negative space you don’t know what to do with was taking its toll on me.

I would stare at the broken tiles on the kitchen counter and wish I could just break the entire thing down with a mallet. I’d sit on the scratched up cushions of our 9-year old smelly sofa in the living room, and just let go of what’s left of my energy as I sunk into the deformed foam.

Rebuilding our Cagayan de Oro house has long been a dream of mine, a desire I just couldn’t shake off whenever we’d arrive home from a long day.

J and I would always talk about what we needed to start the renovation, the risks and financial requirements to make it happen, and the possibilities if we could finally have a house we can truly call home.

Around late 2022 we finally pulled the trigger and gained the housing loan needed to start this project. We moved out of the house in January 16, 2023 and into my father’s warehouse.

It’s been 6 months since we moved out and when the construction team started tearing down parts of the house. It wasn’t easy adjusting to life at the warehouse, but we kept thinking of the final outcome and used that vision as motivation to keep waking up and carrying on.

In those 6 months, we ran into issue after issue. Lots of problems with the old blueprints, many things were scrapped out of the original architectural design, building permits are still in the works, and personal problems were just piling onto each other.

J and I, as well as the kids, have been as resilient as we can be throughout this journey. We’re hoping this skeleton of a house will finally take shape, and we’ll soon see each part of the home design come to life.

Holly and I are especially excited to see the new dining and kitchen area. It’ll finally be spacious enough for us to cook lunches, bake cookies, and even get work done while having a cool drink in the summertime.

Finally, the dogs will have their very own space inside the house joined by our laundry room. Expensive and time-consuming trips to the laundromat will be gone soon when we move in a new laundry machine, tables for folding clothes, and shelves to place linens and bath towels in.

The dogs and I will be able to train and create content with little to no distractions. I’m not sure how well they’re going to adjust to the new setup yet, but I’m hoping it’ll turn out well once we move in.

Every piece of progress update gives me hope that my dream home will finally become a reality. It may not look the same way as it was envisioned two years ago, but at least I can finally step into a home that isn’t riddled with trauma, sadness, and darkness. I can create new memories for myself and my family, and accept and let go of old ones.